One reason it sucks getting old

[mowens]

For me, there are people in my life or maybe I should say memories who stand out as important to me. Friends that I have shared experiences with or gone through difficult times with. People who I have considered good friends.
And then at some point, you realize, they don't see you the same way. There was someone who was, I thought, my best friend all through school. We went through some bad times together. But when I tried to reconnect with him, he, in a very chickenshit way, refused. Guys I've worked with who stand out in my memories barely remember me. There was someone I worked with, who was a mentor, that I held in high regard. It was hard for me to remember that I was just one of many people he helped along the way. He passed away from cancer recently. He had moved to another location and I didn't know he was sick. I wish I had been able to tell him how important to me he was.

It made me look back. I can see things a little differently. I was a very hard person to be friends with. I was selfish and needy. I believe I was (am) on the autism spectrum. I can see why none of my important friendships lasted. People got tired of me.

But, self awareness can be painful. You can understand why things happen but it doesn't make the experience any easier.

I am just venting. They're still rebuilding my machine and working on the room so I have a lot of time to think.  

[Zoffen]

People got tired of me.

I don't keep too many friends because i feel like I am just "Too Much" for alot of people. Just being around me can be tiresome unless I really try to tone down my personality or tailor it towards the situation. I am slightly on the spectrum as well so this is extremely difficult for me to do and drains me immensely. So over the years i have found it alot easier to keep most people at arms length vs. letting them actually get to know me.

Reading your post makes me want to try a little harder. I am trying to make it more of a priority to get out in the world and meet more like minded people who don't need a "Limited Hangout" to be around.

Or i'll just die a lonely bitter person because it was everyone else fault....     

[jstell]

There's a reason a lot of us stuck to machining.  Machines are way easier to talk to than people.  And they generally don't care if you're grumpy or overly critical of their shortcomings.  And they require a precision of language that we respect, as opposed to the word salad we generally have to interact with in the human world.

So, take it all as a piece.  The traits that have allowed you/us excel at our chosen craft are exactly the traits that the general public finds off-putting.  Like you said - that's their problem.  And when they need something fixed, or some mechanical puzzle sorted, all of the sudden you're their favorite person in the world.  And sometimes that makes us feel cherished, sometimes more like taken advantage of.  But hey, bribe me with a six-pack, I'll get over it pretty quick.

[mowens]

https://share.google/rVAYpzKj9YA28QVll

[Brian]

I don't keep too many friends because i feel like I am just "Too Much" for alot of people. Just being around me can be tiresome unless I really try to tone down my personality or tailor it towards the situation. I am slightly on the spectrum as well so this is extremely difficult for me to do and drains me immensely. So over the years i have found it alot easier to keep most people at arms length vs. letting them actually get to know me.

Dang Zack-give yourself some credit! I know we've never met in real life, but I've always enjoyed our conversations-the high-speed exchange of ideas is exhilarating. I think I can understand where you're coming from WRT to "other people", but as I've gotten older it has become somewhat easier to accept that we don't all have to be everyone's cup of tea! It really is OK to be yourself. By really being yourself, you stand a better chance of finding people you really *can* connect with, anyway....I think most folks kinda subconsciously recognize others with whom they share common interests or personality traits, and slowly find this more frequently in their lives. It's like we somehow all end up with our tribe-it's just a bit harder for us oddballs and outliers!

[mowens]

But, there is no tribe.

[jstell]

we don't all have to be everyone's cup of tea!

My grandpa had a handful of phrases that I still get some milage from.  In this case:
"If ya don't like my apples, don't shake my g#d-d#mn tree!"

[Brian]

But, there is no tribe.

Yeah, somedays it really *does* feel like that! LOL

I prefer to think of it like there *is* still a tribe, though it might have just one or two members!

[Brian]

Reading your post makes me want to try a little harder. I am trying to make it more of a priority to get out in the world and meet more like minded people who don't need a "Limited Hangout" to be around.

I'm trying to find a way to say this w/o offending anybody, or sounding like I'm bagging on this trade, or being a snob, but: I wonder if you're just a little too smart for most of the folks you're hanging with? When we've spoken on the phone what comes thru frequently is your curiosity and intelligence, and an unwillingness (inability?) to "color between the lines." (It's not surprising to me that you're self-employed/have a shop-it seems inevitable to me).

Don't get me wrong, I know a number of folks who do this sort of work that can really knock it outta the park with their abilities and intellect, but there is also a real vibe of diminished expectations (or abilities) that I feel permeates this world, sadly. Much of the rest of the world looks at folks who do our work and imagines that we "got off the short bus." This used to bother me somewhat, but as time goes on, I care less and less what others think (and even as a kid I couldn't understand the fascination folks had with other's choices-be yourself!).

I wonder if getting a few more friends/coworkers/customers that match your abilities/interests would be interesting?

[Zoffen]

and an unwillingness (inability?) to "color between the lines."

Its totally a ME problem.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Miss-attributed to Aristotle.

Most people cannot entertain things in their mind they don't see as true. It is hard/impossible to converse with people like this and the convo's are never fun or stimulating.


If presented with reasonable, logical evidence that the moon was made of cheddar cheese would you be willing to accept it as true?

[jstell]

evidence that the moon was made of cheddar cheese

Everyone knows the moon is made of smoked gouda!  What are you talking about?!?   

[Zoffen]

Everyone knows the moon is made of smoked gouda!  What are you talking about?!?   

FAKE NEWS!