Advice please

[mowens]

I have a 20 year old grandson that was in his 2nd year of college. He lives in Washington state so I have not had a lot of contact with him but I have talked to him some since he graduated high school. I was up there for that.

I have several guitars and I was thinking of giving him one. I texted him and told him my idea. He was excited about it but then told me that he had quit school and wanted to go to trade school to be an automotive technician and open his own shop. That would start this fall. He was going to college for computer science with an emphasis in computing security. Needless to say, that is quit the career detour. He also lives in a 6 bedroom house with 5 other roommates.

So, now I'm having 2nd thoughts. I don't want to do anything that will further delay his schooling. I wish I had known about school before mentioning the guitar.

Any advice?

[Jeff]

Any advice?

You could avoid the topic and see if he forgets about it.
Or gift it to him, but keep it at your place for the time being for whatever made up reason you find best.

Hard to say what I would do in that situation.

Go with your gut.

[mowens]

He won't forget about it. He's already asking me about amplifiers.
I was thinking about holding it back until I know for sure he's enrolled in the fall.

[MIL-TFP-41]

Make him a deal. You will gift it to him after seeing how well he does in the first semester.

[CADCAM396]

What changed follow thru and give him the guitar, he is 20 years old didnt you know you were very capable of making excelent decisions for yourself at 20.

ok prob not honest in what I would do but note I have burned quite a few relationships holding to my principles in life. in the end wish I had some of them back.

[Newbeeee™]

I would hold back....things I gave 2nd hand kiddo were all sold virtually immediately as cash was king....
Tell him you'll buy him a cheap guitar and amp to learn on, and when he achieves your acceptable standard, then this one will be waiting for him.
That'll give you a few years breathing space!

Edit - meant to also say that as he shares the house, it might get easily stolen....

[Surface]

I don't understand, Mowens. You have several guitars and wanted to gift your grandson one of them.

Now, you're having second thoughts because:
1. He's mature enough to realize he may have made a mistake in choosing a career in computer security.
2. He is living with room-mates.

Are you concerned learning guitar would be too time consuming?

 
My advice, Give the kid a guitar. Call him weekly to see if/what he's been praticing. Share your passion and knowlege with him. Use this as an oppertunity to deepen your relationship.

[SuperHoneyBadger]

I have my doubts that learning the guitar in your 20s will take away from school. It's not like he'll be in band in 6 months and try to 'make it'. If anything it will be a welcome retreat from the world and from school to do something introspective and that engages your body and mind. Plus he'll think of you when he practices and plays, or even looks at the guitar. I think some would give their left nut to have a touchstone like that in a grandkid's life! I never really knew my grandpas at all, one lost before I was born, the other when I was 6, so if I had the chance to play an instrument either had owned, I would be floored.

I'm definitely in the 'don't miss this opportunity to connect' camp.

[mowens]

My concern is that he is immature enough to have partied himself out of college and is telling everyone he wants to be an auto mechanic when, to my knowledge, he's never owned a car. I don't want to reward him for that. I'm concerned about this because it's what I did. Not the mechanic thing.

I want to make sure he's serious about the mechanic thing. I like Newbees idea of giving him a more entry level guitar but even those are $300.
Im suspicious of his motives because he quit in the middle of the school year.

I want to make sure he's not just going through his own personal Rumspringa.
His birthday is in September. I think I'll tell him I'll give it to him then and see what's happening then.

[jstell]

Im suspicious of his motives because he quit in the middle of the school year.

I did the same thing.  The next semester was going to start me accumulating student debt.  Glad I avoided that trap.  Worked in a motorcycle shop a couple summers, convenience store winters and took some tech school drafting and machining classes when the guys I looked up to in motorbike shops took their stuff in to 'the magician' for mods and fab bits.  I told them I was pretty sure magic wasn't real.  They said, "Well, he's a machinist and that's darn near the same."

[Brian]

Not a parent here, so take that as you will, but I feel like one's youth is best spent exploring all sorts of different things. Think of all the happy accidents that "happened" to us while we were busy making other plans! (My life wasn't originally supposed to include "learning a trade" and owning a small machine shop-LOL).

Having said that, I think I understand your concern to some extent, as well. Does your grandson have a long history of starting and stopping things that seemed to require some sort of commitment or discipline, or do you think he's just exploring things as you might expect at that age?

I'd be concerned if he was still rambling around without direction at age 30, but at age 20 this seems well within range. And I can't imagine that learning guitar would sidetrack other areas of his life too badly (and if it proves to be so compelling that this does occur, I'd say he's stumbled onto another path that suits him better, anyway).

Thoughts?

[mowens]

I was told his schooling is 100% paid for because his dad gets 100% disability from the military, which is a whole other unpleasant can of worms.

I think it boils down to, I don't want to reward him if he is out of school for being irresponsible.

[jstell]

I was told his schooling is 100% paid for because his dad gets 100% disability from the military, which is a whole other unpleasant can of worms.

Sometimes we don't value the things that don't cost us.

[Brian]

They said, "Well, he's a machinist and that's darn near the same."

I love hearing stories like this! My particulars are slightly different but the sense of wonder/awe/enthusiasm that these " off-the-beaten-track" youthful discoveries engender is permanently burned into my brain! Sometimes when the universe gives you a hint, you should take it....

Yes, @mowens , your grandson will want/need to find his way to an adult life of employment, but I see the guitar as a great thing to have in his life, especially coming from you!

[Flycut]

I think it boils down to, I don't want to reward him if he is out of school for being irresponsible.

I think if giving him the guitar was a reward then taking it back is punishment.
I think this might create a rift in your relationship.
I think it's important to know some people are in your corner good or bad.
We all have a path to take.